You know it’s 2009 when…..

….. you find out your former husband got married again via Facebook. Or, in the case of Son #1, you find out your *father* got married again via Facebook.

This message brought to by the Social Media Revolution and a really effed up unique family.

The Good Cops

A recent story that’s received PLENTY of nationl attention already kind of hit home to me. I guess it’s being referred to now as Gates-gate since it’s the story of the arrest of Harvard Law professor Henry Louis Gates at his own home thanks to a series of unusual circumstances. I’ve read several accounts and when it gets to the part where Mr Gates shows Officer Crowley his identification proving he did indeed live at that house, I always think “Ok, and that’s where the officer says thank you and goodby, right?” Because in my mind the police are public servants in a position of great power and they shouldn’t abuse that. My friend Shayera provides a perfect example of the things public servants need to learn how to deal with while representing their city/county/state etc. Police in particular are dealing with people who are MOST LIKELY to be in a heightened state of anxiety. But rather than focus on what this officer did wrong (IMHO), it makes think back to the three police officers who did something right.

Back a couple of months ago when Music Man was doing his time in work furlough, there was a clerical mix up with his records that resulted in a warrant being issued for his arrest. Yes, while he was technically in custody! Anyhow, we were alerted to it on a Friday night when our neighbor told us that the police had come by looking for him. Of course it was a Firday night right? Anyway, I was able to contact MM and get him to call his attorney to check into things first thing the next week. Meawhile he checked with his probation officer at the furlough facility who assured him that the police would not pick him from there or from his job site. They were able to look it up from their system and see it was a charge against him for possesion of Adderall withou a prescription (one pill!) a charge which had been rolled into the time he was serving. Or so he thought. Again, clerical mishap. So on Saturday I drove home after leaving SportsBoy with my parents as he was in the middle of playing in a tournament and I had an event to attend at my high school that evening. I have about 45 minutes to shower and get dressed before my friend was meeting me here to head out. As I pull around the corner I see two police cars and three police officers milling about the corner. I was floored. Sure enough, as I pull into my garage they walk in behind my car. I remember thinking “Really?! You guys are doing this to me now? Isn’t this overkill?!” So yeah, I was agitated. As I get out of the car one officer is RIGHT there asking me where my son is. I tell him at work. He says “No ma’am, I don’t believe you, his car is in the driveway.” I know I raised my voice right away and said “Oh, really? HIS car? Did you run the plates? Did you feel the hood?” He just kept saying “I know he’s in there.” I said again “Oh REALLY?! Besides not running the plates on that car, I gather you also didn’t check to see if he was ALREADY IN CUSTODY?!” I also made what I fully admit to be a very smart ass comment about how it would make the neighborhood feel a whole lot better if they spent time looking for the guy who was sexually assaulting women and robbing them vs my son with his possesion of adderal charge. A little voice in my head was saying “shut up, YOU don’t want to get yourself arrested!” but this was my son who was being ridiculously wronged, I felt they were being lazy and I felt harassed.  Which is what I stated when he condescnedingly asked me calm down. Now, the whole time it was just one of the three officers speaking to me. Another was standing next to him and the third was standing down in the driveway watching the whole scene like a bystander. Finally, because I knew they wouldn’t be satisfied and I had nothing to hide, I invtited them inside, told them to look wherever they wanted to look. So the first two spread out and go through the house while the third one finally comes in and listens to me vent some more, but wisely throws no fuel into my fire. Finally he asks if I have any paperwork in the house to prove MM is at furlough. I looked but there was nothing because MM had to keep all that with him. But I showed him that his cell phone was with me and off, (unusual for a 23 year odl right?), pointed out again that the car was in my name and had not been driven, pointed out how everything in his room was turned off – bed not slept in – and asked why they couldn’t have someone in their station check their records more closely? He claimed weekend issues with the system and not having access until Monday. Meanwhile cop #1 who had done the talking earlier comes downstairs and says “Well, he’s clearly not here, but then I didn’t open every cupboard.”

Yeah

Can you imagine my reaction to THAT? Right turdblossom, my 6′1″ son is curled in a ball under the sink – go look! Ok, I didn’t call him turdblossom, but I did say the rest! That finally got cop #3 to say “OK you guys, you can go, I have it from here.” Smart move. I asked him why there were so many of them for this misdemeanor charge? He claimed Standard Opertaing Procedure. I was transitioning from pissed off to close to tears at this point and I told him calmly that was I was quite serious about feeling harassed, that I didn’t care if it was SOP, but I felt like they had done no homework on this warrant, but had just descended on our house twice now apparently to take away a guy who was doing all the right things and trying to turn things around and was no threat to another resident here. So he asked me if I had a way to get to MM and get a copy of the furlough paperwork. I did. He told me to do that ASAP and leave that out front so that the next time they came by he could just pick that up.

My point of that whole memory dump is to highlight a GOOD cop. Really, all three of them were even though the one was on a minor power trip. They knew when to stop challenging me and start helping. And they knew when to walk away instead of making the situation worse.

And reading up on the Gates situation makes even more thankful that they WERE very good cops. Because I gotta admit that I was right there with some disorderly conduct with my verbal assults! Maybe they should go out and give a little training to Officer Crowley

Summer project – surprise pictures

This weekend a dear friend from DailyKos sent me an email letting me know he had enjoyed my post on the hike that SportsBoy and I took. Of course he enjoyed it – I took him on the same hike when he was out here to visit last year! More than that though, Eddie C loves pictures and happy stories. He’s been the most recent host of a long running series on the blog called Got a Happy Story? Started on Friday nights back in 2005 the hosting duties have changed hands over the years and it’s also switched to Monday nights but the theme is the same – let’s spread some cheer. Give that the blog is largely rather deeply political – and back in 2005 was mired in the depression of another 4 years of Bush – we needed a place to go to exchange stories of a brighter nature Well, Eddie is (quite thankfully) inundated with work this summer and in need to guest hosts and he very sweetly asked me to host one week. So, before I could scare myself out of it, I said yes. Then I promptly freaked out to one of my other Kos friends since I’ve written a grand total of 3 diaries in 4 years there!! Aaaaaaacccckkkk!!!

Still, in the spirit of adventure that try to embrace during the summer weeks while the boy is gone, this is a fun assignment. So I wisely chose the Monday after the 4th of July weekend to give me time to come up with something good. Eddie had loved the photos from the hike and suggested something about the Torrey Pines trails and flaura and fauna and bird life. I’m still pondering the gist of the diary, though I think I will highlight a particular day on the trail that was rather spectacular. Of course, I have no pictures from that day, but, I decided to dig around to find a series of pictures showing SB on the trails. Growing up on them specifically. Looking for prior photos tonight, I remembered the stack of photo CD’s from the pre-digital camera days.

JACKPOT!

So I shall share with you some flashbacks. Just a sneak peak tonight as I just finished downloading the first 5 discs. There’s about 9 more and my whole body is stiff from last night’s work out so I want to lie down, but check out these cutie pies:

Music Man and Sports Boy Jan 2002

Sweet Prince and Sports Boy Oct 2003

August Moms Baltimore - Oct 2003

There’s your tease – back with more over the coming days!

How trendy!

This was a little trippy to see just now! Apparently my son shares a name with a rather notorious right wing British politician and *something* must have happened with him today causing all the twitter chatter. Still, my frist thought was “WTF??!! Why is my son a trending topic??!”

And away we go

And that my dear peeps, is pretty much a reflection of the next 30+ days.

It starts with the fact that Music Man finally received a proper sentencing for his DUI issues. He could have been up to 120 days in jail, BUT, thanks to some attorney negotiation and the fact that he got hired on to work in the meat department at Vons just one week after we returned from Vegas, he instead received a 60 day sentence in a work furlough program. Which means he is in a somewhat restricted dorm setting, but is released to go to work. Unfortunately, the facility is about 20 miles south of where we live and where he works. Without traffic its a pretty easy 45 mins round trip tops. Doable, but imagine me trying to fit that into my work day/carting SportsBoy around/sports league board responsibilities. As a backup, he can take public transportation. Bus to trolley to train which brings him up at least must closer. Picking him up from the train station and getting him to Vons is pretty easy. Plus, they allow him 2-3 hours to make the journey which is more freedom for him. Still, I’m transportation choice #1. We do have a couple of his friends lines up for backup should SportsBoy’s events clash. Oh, and lucky stroke #1 so far – when he checked in they showed him with a release date of 6/13 – just 36 days instead of 60. A preliminary reduction for good behavior basically. Woohoo!

As I wrote a few weeks ago, MM is on a very good forward path, but, he does have to pay for the mistakes he made when his head was not screwed on quite so straight. He’s taking it really well actually and looks at this as the transition he needs to put all that behind him and come out ready to focus on his future.

My car might want a spa day when this is all over though!

I seem to have committed myself to working out once a week (so far) with this trainer! Today was my third Saturday morning workout and I’ve signed up to walk in a 5k with a group from the gym. It’s really fun! Yeah, it kicks my butt and makes me sore as hell for 2-3 days after, but I like it Plus, I get to see some friends once a week who I used to only see once a year (if we were lucky!). As long as SB doesn’t have a LL game right after, we will have coffee after and keep caught up on things. Of course, that means no sleeping in on Saturdays since its an 8am workout, but since it IS at the beginning of the day, it doesn’t interfere with anything.

Little League regular season is winding down. Just two games left and the second half has been a lot worse than the first. Some injuries and dead bats and then defensive yips have struck. Thanks to the first half victory, they do get to play in the post season, but they do so quite banged up. One broken foot, one broken finger (both boys out for the season) and one pitcher who will be coming off of  “little league” arm who has been restricted to playing only first base for the bast two weeks. SportsBoy has had to step up and play a few newer positions for him. Shortstop and pitcher so far, with some time behind the plate at catcher thanks to today’s broken finger. Pitching has actually gone pretty well. It would be pretty darn good if not for the aforementioned defensive yips. But, that’s baseball and I’m just proud of how he has handled the new challenges. So they will have a one week break and then start playoff games the last week of May. Clearly as the underdog at this point!

I mentioned in a tweet earlier this week that this is my last year on the two boards. The baseball one technically ends in May. Oh, am I ready to let it go!! I’ve been treasurer for this group since the fall of 2003. I am DONE. At least I am leaving them in good standing with non profit status and tax returns all caught up. That was such an enormous chore which took up the last two years! But it’s all up to date and I’m getting it organized to hand it off with a sparkling bow on top I’ll still have a background ‘advisory’ role which is fine since SB will play with them one more season.Of course, as baseball winds down, football winds UP. Still, just ONE board? I haven’t had that luxury in almost 2 years. And what will I ever do with myself NEXT year when my football term runs out and I am no NO boards???

I dunno – but based on that picture of what my next month will entail, I think if I take a year off to just focus on reading/blogging/hanging with friends/working out whenever I am not at work or getting SB to do his homework, that will be just FINE.

Like riding a bike

You remember it, right? What it was like as a parent to help your child ride a two wheeler? I actually only had to do it once because Sports Boy pretty much bypassed training wheels and went direct to two wheel riding at 4 years old. No help, just hit the pedals running. Music Man though, he was more traditional. Which is somewhat against his personality since he’s been Mr I Can Do It Myself since he was born. Not with the bike though. For that, he needed, and accepted, assistance. Sports Boy’s dad was with us then and he put together the broomstick handle tied to the back of the bike technique. That was pretty handy as it allowed us to take turns jogging alongside the bike as MM rode and as he would start to wobble we could steady the bike with the broom handle withou having to break our backs bending over. While I have no actual video or pictures, the highlight reel in my mind is as clear as if it all happened yesterday. I specifically remember the moment when the wobbles became less and less and I knew I could let go AND stop jogging. I remember watching him ride away from me with a feeling of pure pride and joy, my heart just singing at seeing what he had accomplished.

It’s a feeling that is the exact opposite of what happens when you see your child drive a car on his/her own for the first time for sure! THAT one is all anxiety and dread!!

Back to the bike though because I feel like he and I are doing that dance again. Only this time it is about truly being a responsible adult on the verge of figuring out how to move out. About handling the consequences of his youthful transgressions completely on his own. About figuring out a way, on his own, to deal with that past but this time with an eye to the possibilities of his own future. He’s finally seeing his mistakes with more clarity and actively making sure he does not repeat them. I used to say he was one step forward, two steps back. Then two steps forward, one step back. Now? Other than having to deal with those backwards steps, it’s been all forward movement the past few months. The dancing I do with him is trying to figure out what he needs – and will accept – from me in the way of help. And making sure it is a *need* and not a want/crutch. Of course, you would think that Mr I Can Do It Myself who has always known everything would be a natural at this! But really, the reason he IS finally moving forward is because he is finally accepting advice. Gentle prodding no longer results in a defensive and/or angry response. Just like when he needed to learn to ride that bike, he is letting me steady the handle now and then when he wobbles. And I am having to do that less and less.

Given the state of the economy and the price of rentals around here, I know it will still take some patience from both of us, but, I am also feeling pretty confident that before the end of this year I will be able to let go of that handle for good. I I also know that it will feel just like it did the first time.

Road Trip!

Chip attempts to be packed in the suitcase

Despite the protests of the cats and their attempts to become one with the luggage, the boys and I piled into our Griswold Family Wagon and hit the road last week.

It was Viva Viagra! LAS VEGAS! Argh, I hate that stupid commercial which makes it impossible for my brain to sing that song the right way!!!

We had Sport’s Boys bud in the back seat so that they could keep each other happy during the 5 hour drive. His parents caravaned with us. I was blessed with the sounds of pre-teen boys playing video games against each other – and reacting vocally to the games. Not in their indoor voices either. That was charming. Music Man kept the tunes rolling for me up front so the overall decibel level was kinda challenging! We managed to get their faces off the video screens as darkness descended and we approached the neon mecca. They were duly impressed with the sight of the strip, particularly the Luxor and it’s beam of light shooting up into the sky. A little after we arrived and checked in at New York New York, a few other families also drove in and we immediately converged in one room. One ever so kind and patient mom volunteered to take the kids to the hotel arcade while the rest of the adults sat in that room and drank They returned a little over an hour later and she reported that the arcade turned them into “crack addicts” doing anything they could to win some prize tickets. Here they are with their loot:

Arcade game addicts

Since their first games were not until Thursday evening, we were able to get up slowly and gather together to wander around Vegas. Here’s something weird – I’ve stayed at the MGM Grand twice in the last 5 years for a work conference and NEVER knew they had lions there!

MGM grand lions and a brave (dumb?) worker

The team in front of New York New York

See that roller coaster? That’s pretty much what the kids who arrived Wednesday night did all day Thursday when they were not playing their games. They all got wrist bands which allowed unlimited rides for 24 hours and ride, they did!  Thursday and Friday nights we turned in fairly early because of the games. The field was out in Henderson about 20 mins away from the strip – seemed like a world away as it was surrounded by desert foothills and vast empty spaces.

Big sky

SB at 2nd with foothills in the distance

This was the first time that MusicMan came along to a tournament to hang out. Of course, it was Vegas, right? His first chance to go since he turned 21. Plus, the girlfriend had just dumped him and he was ready to get out of the house and shake himself a bit. Well, I am very glad he did because everyone had fun getting to know him. He had a couple of guys to play around with at night, and the kids decided he was pretty awesome.

MM holding court.

OK, enough writing – here’s more pictures!

Buds with trophies

In front of the Bellagio

Watching the fountain show

Happy moms after shopping at The Forum

Dancing at the hotel piano bar

Those last few are from the post game activities and celebration after the Big Game Saturday. Those of us who stayed walked the kids down the strip to watch the Bellagio fountains and then we wandered into Caesar’s Palace for dinner and some shopping at The Forum. Of course, after dinner the dads took the kids back to our hotel for more arcade and roller coaster fun while the moms did the shopping Then we got the kids all settled into one room and we stayed downstairs and danced and sang until we were hoarse. Or, err.. 2am or so! Needless to say the drive home was loooon and we were dog tired:

Too much baseball and Vegas fun

An interview and a challenge.

Today is catch up day. I have been presented a some time this morning as my brunch date canceled so I am surfing my friend’s blogs and realized I owe a couple of things.

First off – one full week late – here is a link to an interview that Grandy did of me for her Sunday Stalker Spotlight Series. Not only is Grandy a hoot and a joy to read, but so apparently are her many readers as I have completely enjoyed the one’s she has highlighted so far and I was quite thrilled that she featured lil ole me!

Secondly, LSM tagged me with a challenged issued by Her Bad Mother – a blogging around the world challenge with topic being What Do You Like About Being a Mother? I’m going to copy LSM and list things that I like right now about it (though one item will refer to the past but still applies today).

1. I love watching them accomplish things. I still remember the day MusicMan learned how to ride a two wheeler bicycle like it was yesterday. We’d been working at it for some time and that first moment when I could let go and watched him take off with confidence it felt as if my heart was riding with him. I feel that with SportsBoy when he scores a touchdown in football and lord knows how awesome would it be if he ever hits a home run in baseball! On a side note: riding on a bike is in no way related to driving in a car. One makes you proud and happy and the other scares the pants of you. Just had to point out that irony
2. I’m stealing this from LSM, but it is something I’ve mentioned a few times before. I love that SB and I are reading the same book together. We recently finished the Harry Potter series and when he completed book 7 last weekend we spent over a hour talking about it. Now we are looking for a new one. He picked up Lord of the Rings but is so far unsure of it. I’ve never gotten into Tolkein so I am skeptical too, but I’ll give it a shot. Hey – anyone have any suggestions?
3. I love watching the boys interact these days. Since they are so far apart in age it has taken a long time for them to get to a point where they have common interests and it is finally there. I used to have to pay MM to babysit his brother. No more. They look for opportunities to hang out together. I just love that.
4. Also stealing from LSM, but she is so right – I love that no one needs me for things like bathroom duty or getting dressed or brushing their teeth or getting them every simple thing from the kitchen. Yeah, I didn’t like the little kid stage nearly as much as I like the later years! My youngest is now old enough to clean his own bathroom and help with basic chores and even cook basic items for himself. When they work together they can clean the entire house properly and I can sit in the backyard and read. I shall not complain
5. I love that I can talk to them both as adults. Obviously MM is one, but also SB in the last year has really come along with his thought processes. He was interested in the election, he is getting to understand the business end of sports and how that complicates teams, and he is learning to lok beyond the obvious answers to questions and situations. Witnessing their minds maturing is always a thrill.

And now I must tag people. Since LSM nabbed all the August moms, I’ll expand a bit:

On the Curb

Wrekehavoc

KellyGo

Kitty

Grandy

Juggling Life

and

Bibliomom

Unanticipated expertise at your service

Teensy background before I share this text conversation I am having with DS1. He’s had a few…er…’challenges’ in relation to keeping his driver’s license legal thanks to a DUI. Basically, since he earned his license at the age of nearly 17..and he’s now 23…he’s been legal for, oh….2 of those years? And not legal at all since the summer of 2005. Now, living in So Cal means there is NO other way to travel other than by car, especially in our neighborhood where even the bus lines is disconnected from anything useful. The inability to fullfill his probation requirements to get his license back has often been a product of a very failure driven flawed system in this state. It’s nearly impossible to work to earn the money to pay the fines and fees for the dui classes, and GO to the dui classes (only 2 locations within 25 miles of us) and NOT drive a car! Also through no fault of his own, items he finished properly were not logged as they should have been so he keeps getting booted out of the classes. Argh!  Consequently we have become very very well versed in the routine of impounding/jail/bail.

Thanks to the money he received in December, he is in a great position to finally get it DONE. So he went to court (for lord knows – maybe the 15th time in 4 years?) today to get re-instated. AGAIN. While there this conversation ensues via text:

Hi mom. All is good. Court sucks though

Ah. that is a rather contradictory message! I’ll focus on the first part

lol. Waiting in room 1001 takes forever. I should have a VIP pass for this bitch, right?! How many times have I had to sign up for classes?

hahahahahahaha. Seriously, you should be in the frequent flyer line for sure!

(oh, I am so proud)

just got an idea…I could counsel people on impound/30 day holds/dui classes. just helped out a guy here waiting in line and he said I could provide a big service to folks.

Hey, not a bad thought. Add in jail/bail (I could help you fill in some of those details from someone on the outside)

(OK, now I am not so sarcastically thinking that I AM proud that he is trying to think of a way to use *his* unfortunate situations to help others through it)

Yeah. Wonder if it would count for community service. I really should do this.

OK, back to some self serving thought on this (community service for his probation requirements), but, overall..hey..if you have a skill set or inside knowledge of something – no matter whether it will look good on a resume or not – might as well share it with people who would need it right? Something tells me people in that situation would rather here it from someone who has been through it than from some defense attorney who truly has no idea what it’s like.

So, seriously, if you need to know about any of this, let me know. We got it covered. Hopefully you wont, but hey, life happens and you just never know.

Why I love AIG

Yes, I know, I may be the only person other than someone who still works there (and gets to go on spa weekends) to actually LOVE AIG. But you see, it’s because they bought 21st century insurance this year. And I have loved 21st century since they were, well, 20th century! Seriously, ex#2 found 20th century back in the 90s and they had the cheapest damn car insurance so that’s who we used. But, any insurance company is really only as good as it’s coverage right? What happens when you have to file a claim and all that. Well, this is why I love them. They pay. No hassle. Every time. I’ve only used them personally two times. Once to pay someone MusicMan hit, then when he flew my car. I know, I could simply say that he totalled my car, but it was my dream car and he really, truly did fly the damn thing. It was devastating – for the car. He was fine since it was my dream car which happened to have an airbag every 3 inches or so in the frame (or so it seemed since every damn one deployed.) Anyhow, given the devastation and the expense of the vehicle lost, and the overall mental and emotional trauma of the whole event (oh, 3 years ago btw so pre-blog), the bright spot was 21st century. I had the FULL value of my car back in my hands within 10 days. No kidding. Had a replacement vehicle almost immediately thanks to them. And both claims were remarkably easy to process. No haggling over the value of the damage (or the obliterated car). Well, then you can imagine how happy I was when I found out that the driver in this accident also used 21st century. It’s taken a little over a year, but MM finally got his settlement from them. And it was…umm….freaking generous!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaayyy more than he expected. As in, enough to pay me back IN FULL for ALL of the stuff he owes me for. Enough to pay off his court fines from all of those ‘oopsies’ in his past. Enough to…well…really start fresh, debt free. It’s truly amazing.

So yeah, we LOVE AIG. And maybe their propensity for PAYING on claims is why they are bankrupt? Ack, I hope not because I must say it so damn refreshing to do business with an insurance company that actually DOES what it is supposed to do.