Now, this isn’t going to be your usual list of rules. At this point, we all know them right? Actually what I am curious about which rules are you OK with breaking and why. So – to the polls!

What prompted this is a regular meeting we have where one person ALWAYS has their phone, does NOT have children, and ALWAYS has it in his/her hand, and rather obviously looks at it or responds to a text in every single meeting no matter how short.

The only time I ever carried my phone with me to a meeting at work was when I was expecting a text from my school aged child about where he was going after school and if he needed a ride somewhere. I knew that text would come mid-way through the meeting and I had planned ahead to be able to discreetly handle the situation. I am quite sure the only person who knew I had my phone was the person seated next to me because I kept it on my lap the whole time, then put it away entirely once the messages were exchanged.

So, I am curious – am I just SUPER conscious about cell phone etiquette in meetings? Or is this person regularly crossing a line that most people just would not cross?

Reblogged from Torrey Pines Reflections:

The slideshow below is from a rather late afternoon hike at the trails of Torrey Pines with friends of min who were visiting from Wisconsin. I’ve talked and blogged about this place so much that now out of town visitors request outings here Of course I am happy to share especially since it got me out there for the first time in months AND with my new camera. The lighting variations depending on time of year and time of day up there are so wonderful. Some of these shots look more like paintings than photos. Enjoy!

I haven’t forgotten my hiking and birding site. I just haven’t been in ages! Thankfully some friends came to visit forcing me to get out on the trails with my new camera – enjoy!

Such a fleeting thing, this motivation. And yet, so very very critical. The graphic above is so fabulously scientific with those big big words that may or may not make sense in your daily life. Hygiene? Really? I’m motivate by whether I can take a shower or not? Ok, I know that’s not the real translation, but that’s what popped into my wee little brain when I read it.

And self-actualization? Lordy – big words that say  ”hey, I motivate myself, thank you very much”

What I do get from that chart is just how abstract the whole thing is. And it can change daily..heck, even hourly, right? For sure it changes as you age.

What has me thinking about it is Alex and his utter and complete apathy towards school & learning in general. I was at my wits end with him again last week and his grades dipped yet AGAIN and just a week before finals no less. Basically he needs to rock his tests over the next three days in ways he has NEVER shown before in order to prevent failing grades in 3 of his 5 classes.

He is currently NOT responding to this method of motivation:

We’ve removed all the fun extras in his life AND postponed his driving lessons/permit until he reaches a specific GPA.

Not working.

So I asked him last week – does he have ANY idea what is up? My mom had justifiably suggested it could be a result of the concussion he sustained in October. EXCEPT….he’s been this way since 5th grade quite honestly. It just seems to get worse every year. So it’s got to be something internal for him.

The trouble is, at 15 the whole “self-actualization” concept is REALLY foreign unless they are blessed to be born with some intrinsically deep passion for a particular field of study.

So when all the adults around him are stressing the importance of good grades to allow him to get into college – four more years of hated school all the while floundering around not having a damn clue what he wants to do – his mind thinks – why bother? Money and career are too abstract to him. That’s still all out there in that nebulous “future” thing.

This is his current opinion on “motivation”:

It’s not real. There are no obvious goal posts as there are in football. There is no home plate to step on like in baseball, no visible finish line to cross with a medal handed to you at the end.

He’s outgrown the more childish motivators – rewards of money or video games or anything like that. But he hasn’t been able to figure out what the next step is. I think he has a DESIRE to figure it out, that his inability thus far TO feel any passion for any field of study or possible career is frustrating him as more of his peers do start to figure it out. And I do know that if he is overwhelmed, he shuts down.

I know I want him to have what I have – a job/career that not only provides the bottom half of that pyramid – you know, money so I can buy soap to take daily showers (!) but it also provides me the warm fuzzies at the top half too.

I guess that is my new motivation – to help him find his. Because I really really don’t want him to end up like this:

Let’s kick it old school with some dot dots….old school – high school!….Some people never change….what’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding?….you need to get some, that’s what!….Secret Decoder Ring…Facebook debates…erased!..not fair!…I put a lot of thought into that reply…disappointing….current school – high school….3 F’s?!….killing me…finals next week….how do I get him to care and study?….contact counselor who says…..tardy tardy….what?…..we know, but how can we help him study?….well, his BIO grade is higher…<eyeroll>….Bio & Math have always been FINE….Spanish teacher never mentioned tardies so hush up about that and give us help!…tutoring…..email teachers weekly….keep checking his work…sigh…..Adam Lambert back on TV….Leno, Ellen….new song….Better Than I Know Myself…so beautiful….1st ebook going on sale…nerves!..technical difficulties….why is the sales site in German…German?……researching another…roadblocks!…argh!…..formatting dad’s memoirs for Kindle….I hate Word!…but…I learned some useful stuff about it….but I still hate Word…Pop Warner Treasurer no more….GOOD!…..(I mean it this time)…..taxes taxes taxes….yes, I cut my hair…yes, I knew you wouldn’t like it…..hmmmm…..guess it doesn’t bother you all that much :->…….ran 6 miles – 6 MILES!…..conquered more hills…toe blister – YEOW!…..cat pee…cat barf…3am cat calls…must you really start fiddling around in the garage at 11pm?….I need my sleep!…..work work work…a five day week?…surely you jest!….no?….zzzzzzzzzz…….I’d love to go ONE WEEK without having to add any budget codes…..I’d love to see ONE WEEK when a certain someone else works all five days……(don’t hold your breath)…..mammogram…YEOW again!….movies!…Moneyball & The Descendants…Pitt & Clooney…oh so easy on the eyes……Bunco. Bunco?…yep…giving it a whirl tonight to catch up with old friends…..speaking of friends…hugs & love to those who I know need it today….

Have a great weekend everyone!

Chip: Um, what blog again? All I see is that bird outside.

Amber: Well, I am not sure what the fuss was all about – that just looks like our regular old food in those bowls. Nothing earth shattering or controversial or…(heaven forbid)..NEW & FABULOUS!

Chip: I’m feeling sleepy – this is important to me, why?

Amber: **Sigh** Fine, I’ll eat what’s here, but I won’t *like* it!

Now, please go away.while we settle in for our morning nap. It’s rainy and cold out there. Even the birds have bailed so we’re going to take the hint

I can’t be the only one who has posed this question, right? But I just need to get this out there as he on the verge of potentially yet another freaky upset against the often equally reviled Tom Brady and the Patriots in the playoffs this weekend.

UPDATED: And so readers don’t think I am anti-Tebow personally – not at all! This is, much like the media hype about the Mommy Wars I ranted about earlier – all a reflection on the media and the nation’s reaction to him. In fact, here is a lovely article by my most favorite and respected sports writer of all time on just what a good kid Tim is: http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/7455943/believing-tim-tebow

People who are over-hyped (Paris Hilton, any Kardashain, The Beiber, Tom Brady, etc tec…) pretty much end up annoying everyone at some point. Doesn’t matter WHY they become famous, you just get sick of hearing their names and seeing their faces when they are at the height of their popularity.

So it was no surprise that the most HERALDED (hah!) player in recent NCAA football memory would have some of that hype carry over into his NFL career and that the sports media would be all over him if he had even a hint of success. Which he’s had this season. Big time.

Now, it just so happens that Mr Tebow is also, very very openly Christian. He tends to pray a lot on the sidelines. To the point where once he was elevated to starter on the Broncos, a tribute site to his religious bowing on bended knee sprang up with people in all walks of life “tebowing” – loosely defined as kneeling down to pray when everything /everyone else around you just continues to go about their business as if you are not there at all.

So, obviously, this is my question:

What if he wasn’t Christian?

What if he were Jewish?

Or Muslim?

Or Hindu?

Or (insert any other religion here?)

Because, guess what, sports figures do cross over into many other religious faiths. Or, none at all.

Or:

What if wasn’t a starting quarterback on an NFL team?

What if he was your co-worker bowing on his knee before every staff meeting?

What if he was your child’s youth league coach praying before every match?

What if he was (insert any other type of non-religious workplace/community volunteer setting here)?

I am ALL FOR religious freedoms. Freedom OF and freedom FROM in some cases.

So Tebow all around town all you want.

Know that no matter WHAT you believe – IF there IS a God, one thing I DO KNOW FOR SURE:

He doesn’t give a flying rats ass about sports so spare me your thanking God for your victories folks. There’s a team and fans on the other side of the field praying just as much as you.

Mostly though, I deeply deeply believe to my soul that this country would NOT be loving them so much Tebow if was bowing down on the ground facing Mecca at sundown.

Just guessin’

Partially complete Comic Book Cover "art"

Unfortunately, Alex inherited my lack of talent. What you see up there was our best work on Monday night. Mostly because tracing was allowed for the project. So, he traced and I colored. And that panel was our best work. Because he could trace. And there were no people in it.

Why was I doing this you might ask – well…as I’ve expressed a few times, Alex is not the hardest working student on the planet. He could teach a course on Being Lazy. He’s been perfecting that art form since 5th grade. Avoiding homework, lying about said homework, barely passing classes – the works. His GPA dropped below a 2.0 yet again and he’s been sort of busting his tail (by his standards at least) to not miss any more assignments & to do better work.

Prior to going on his Christmas trip to Sweden, all teachers were put on alert that he would miss the first week of school in January so that we could gather up work ahead for him to do while gone. The biggest of these projects was the AP History Comic Book. He was *supposed* to finish it there.

(You may all start laughing at that notion now.)

He *did* pick a topic and come up with a plot line for the book AND write up a story board for all 24 panels before he left (under my supervision of course). He wanted to do the final panel layout there because he was doing it in Swedish which would give him desperately needed extra credit points. At least, that’s the tale he gave me.

When he got back and I asked to see how far he’d gotten on it, the stories began. When I marched upstairs after hearing too many excuses to look through his school notebooks he brought home, he RACED up to intercept me (red flag!).

” Oh, I think it’s in this notebook…wait..no, I didn’t hole punch it…and..my dad made me do it after I packed so it isn’t where I expected it to be and…..wait wait….where is it…oh geez I think it’s on the desk back in Sweden….!”

So then I asked him where the translation file was (that he said he had completed)

“Um, I did it on Teddy’s computer and I *think* I emailed it back to myself….!”

Now, why would you do that since your laptop was THERE and I setup a drop box account for you to use as a file sharing service no matter what computer you might use (and I knew the dropbox folder had not been updated).

“Um….”

Right.

(Go ahead and keep laughing…this really is amusing).

Thankfully the block schedule lined up for him and he didn’t have History until Tuesday SO – he had all day Sunday after I busted him on this topic (all other subjects had been completed to his credit) and Monday afternoon/evening to do the work.

He still insisted on doing it in Swedish so he got right at that and even willingly handed over his phone to avoid texting distractions.  By the time he went to bed Sunday he was ready to start printing out the translated panels and filling them in with drawings.

The rules were: 1) No stick figures 2) Keep it simple 3) No white backgrounds

Trust me when I say that #2 ruled our world!

I knew there was no way anything would be viable unless I helped with the coloring. Which, I thought was OK since it was nothing to do with the substance of the project or even really the major part of the grade. He still had to make the pictures in his head come to life somehow – I was simply coloring them in like a coloring book. Not all either – he did some.

But – oh, how we suck!

We started finally Monday night after dinner around 7pm. We finished at midnight on the dot.

And that laughing I said to go ahead and do? Oh, did we EVER laugh. Mostly at ourselves.

He did avoid stick figures (barely). I did avoid white backgrounds (though I argued for snow scenes constantly!) We even recruited his brother for help but then we had to fire him – he draws and colors too damn well!! It was so obvious that another person was doing that panel!

His horses looked like elephants. His people started morphing into Charlie Brown or Jack in the Box faces. Warrior helmets looked suspiciously like sombreros and half the time his people had no feet or hands. And, if they had hands it looked like they were 3 times bigger than they should have been and had 13 fingers each.

Oh how we laughed.

I kept grabbing the “orchid” colored pencil instead of the brown – Orchid?? What the hell? It was a colored pencil pack not oil painting!! So half of the brown areas have a lovely purple hue underneath. I thanked him when the background could just be “generic sky” or “generic landscape” and cursed him when it had to be a battle field with tiny body parts & swords & rivers of blood. I also did not appreciate the scene in a museum with Roman Dynasty mosaics on display!  WTF?!!

There was, in fact, a whole LOT of cursing going on!

And laughter.

Which is how we survived the night. 5 hours. 24 panels. 1 cover page and one splash page. And THEN he had to come up with a Title and Logo name (Mr Rogers Leaps Through Time, published by Time Travel Inc). Yes, our Mr Rodgers wore Packer colors and yes, the History teacher is a huge sports fan so *maybe* Alex was playing that up a bit for a few more extra points.

We both agree that even AFTER receiving credit for using a second language that we will be THRILLED if he gets anything over 75% for this work of..NON art.

The grading sheet CLAIMS he wouldn’t BE graded on artistic skills…and he DID remind the teacher that if the pictures make him laugh…well..it IS a COMIC book, right?

Right. Back to accounting for me. WAY easier!

Ugh! Again with the Mommy Wars in the media? Ok, I suppose first we should blame whoever conducted this “controversial study”. I mean really,what’s the damn point? No, I wont look it up to link to it and give it more eyeballs. I find the premise of it insulting enough. Apparently the gist of THIS one is that WOHM moms are more satisfied overall and happier? Anderson Cooper decided to do a whole panel on his new daytime show on the topic inluding featuring a working mom who calls SAHM’s lazy. ((eyeroll))

May I just drop my opinion here that there is NO REDEEMING VALUE TO THIS TOPIC?

Why in bloody hell do people NEED to pigeonhole entire segments of society for no reason other than to make themselves feel better?

GROW UP!!

Here’s the real answer: You know who is happiest? The men and women who are living their lives to THEIR fullest potentials however THEY define that!!

For the sake of this argument let’s focus just on mom’s – but the same answer applies. I know some truly HAPPY and truly MISERABLE women who Stay at Home, Work from Home, and Work outside the Home. What makes them happy or miserable in their roles as moms is all about how happy or miserable they are as INDIVIDUALS on an everyday basis.

Because that is what this is at it’s core – an INDIVIDUAL PREFERENCE.

Let’s say that ALL THINGS ARE EQUAL. That every mom has the financial situation to choose. Every mom has a co-parent (let’s just all let out a huge groan right now about how this whole thing IMPLIES a HUSBAND vs a WIFE as a partner – how limiting!) who would support whichever choice she makes. Her kid(s) have no special health needs and schools and childcare  in the area are FABULOUS!

Given all that….I don’t need science…I know myself and many of my close friends. And I can tell you with 100% conviction that we would all choose different paths! Some of us would choose to work no matter what because that keeps us sane & balanced. Some of us would choose to stay at home because THAT keeps us sane and balanced. Some would choose to do one or the other for just a few years and then switch. Some would work part time during school hours only. Some would work from home. I mean – possibilities are endless when all external drivers are controlled, right? Then it becomes about internal desires. And some of us were born with a yearning to be at home with our kids and some of us were born with a passion for a particular career.

How about we all CHEER EACH OTHER ON and try to do our best to make sure we all have the opportunity to make those decisions for ourselves?

WHY are we compelled to pass judgment? Why must we push one group down in order to prop ourselves up? If you have guilt over your choice or your situation that is YOUR PROBLEM and you don’t get to alleviate that guilt by trying to make out that MY situation is somehow WORSE than yours (and vice versa of course).

Why the fuck do we need some group doing some study on this? What intrinsic value does it provide other than to make one group feel superior? It’s bloody stupid and divisive and a waste of time and money.

I cheer for my friends who find their dream jobs.

I ache for my friend who desperately wants to stay home with her baby, but can’t afford it.

I ache for friends who cannot have children at all.

I cheer friends who decide they don’t want kids.

I cheer friends who are having their sixth child.

I cheer for my friends who always knew they wanted to be married and having babies and staying home with them and who find exactly that.

I cheer or ache for friends no matter what the scenario according to what is THEIR HEARTS DESIRE. Not mine. Not anyone else. THEIRS.

I don’t LIMIT anyone by forcing them into a theoretical BOX.

I would appreciate it if the media, researchers, and everyone else would please do the same.

The following four things receive HIGH HIGH HIGH Critical Acclaim. Oprah’s Book Club! Grammys! Oscars!

However, I will advise you that unless you WANT to run into the kitchen and swallow a bottle of anti-depressants with that bottle of vodka and slip away into the night…well….then you’d be doing yourself a favor to avoid them.

I’m fairly convinced that even the happiest, most plucky, glass ALWAYS full among us would be in danger of deep depression after exposure to what I think are the most soul sucking pieces of literary, film & musical drivel to be foisted on our senses.

Behold! Your sure fire cures for a severe case of joy:

Sarah McLachlan

There is no denying that she has a very lovely voice. Soothing perhaps….IF she used it for good. But, she uses it for evil. Depressing, go to sleep forever evil. In fairness, I *have* seen her live. And yes, she is JUST as bad on stage. Lordy girl – can you please sing/write SOMETHING with some pep? You can celebrate love and life you know.

Tell me you haven’t had your TV on sorta on auto-pilot, heard the opening strains of “In The Arms of An Angel”, seen the images of animals wasting away and though “GAH! No! Not AGAIN!” and wanted to gouge your eyes out?

Yeah, I don’t care WHAT she sings now. Like Pavlov’s dog, the sound of her voice makes me immediately feel sick in the pit of my stomach and tears well up. Thank you, but NO!

It’s a little easier to avoids books than it is to avoid music since radio stations can assault you and, as pointed out, TV commercials can jump up and bite you – but…..there is something about a depressing book that really insults you. First off – you all probably picked this one up thanks to Oprah, right? I know I did. That first year that she did her book club, I didn’t read anything unless she had recommended it. I was doing OK until this one popped up. What in the hell is appealing about a book where literally everyone dies at the end including the only couple of characters you might have liked? Or, if they are not literally dead, they might as well be because the way the ending is written it is clear that those still breathing wish quite deeply that they weren’t? Who writes this thinking a reader wants to spend several nights immersed in this? Isn’t a book supposed to be a way of ESCAPING reality? And a book takes time and EFFORT to read. A song is a mere 3 minutes of hell. A movie is over in 2-3 hours. A book? That’s usually several days of a few hours here and there depending on how long and how fast you read.

Of course, it is my own problem that I almost NEVER stop reading a really bad book. I stubbornly plug away to the end hoping against all evidence that things will turn around.

Yes, I *was* smart enough NOT to the movie adaptation of this horrible mess.

However, I was NOT smart enough to remember how Oprah had burned me. Because years later when I inherited Jacqueline’s collection of novels which included a fair amount of Oprah Book Club selections, I got suckered again:

Holy hell in a hand basket! First you spend over 100 pages reading about how FABULOUS this family thinks they are…then it all goes downhill from there and one by one they are all exposed to be the shells of human beings that they are. No hope. No learning. No growing. Just mind numbing depravity & self destruction. Again – why the ever loving heck did I read this until the end? Ok, read is generous – I skimmed. But…ugh!

As often as I have marveled at how amazing it is that JK Rowling walked around with the Harry Potter stories in her head, wafting around in her over-sized imaginary glands until she could get them all out on paper – I feel deeply SORRY for authors who carry around tales like those two! I mean, really, how did THEY get through life with the ability to even crack a half-assed smile?

But then – we come – to THE biggest waste of time EVER – which won it’s industry’s highest possible honor (WHY WHY WHY?):

To quote Elaine from Seinfeld : “That movie SUCKS!”

Pretty much, yep.

So in conclusion – if you find out that someone plans on watching The English Patient after spending the day reading The House of Sand and Fog and listening to Sarah McLachlan CD’s…..just go ahead and call the suicide hotline on their behalf. They will thank you later.

But – as I learn things to help the websites I am developing and also to sell a How To Guide that I wrote, I am curious how much my connected friends are using The Google Machine.

Just 5 quick yes/no answers. Please respond and after a few days I’ll share results and also share a tidbit of info on search results that may just freak you out – or might make you go WHOA! COOL!